I used to seriously sit in a house on denial lane and believe ( or at least try to) that my brain was just over processing. I was just a tad bit irrational or overly emotional. Instead of facing the truth that was. I picked the wrong people. No matter which direction I threw that card. I chose the wrong friends, chose the wrong men, picked wrong, wrong, wrong.
I would seriously find myself trying to justify why and how people were right or ok in the abundance of mistreatment I would receive.
After a while, that gnawing feeling at the bottom of my stomach and the jackhammer pounding in my subconscious started getting harder and harder to ignore.
While I had chosen wrong, I didn’t deserve the bullshit that was being
handed to me. I didn’t deserve to be treated like my existence didn’t matter or that I was inferior to the world because I came from a different part of it.
I started making my chances I gave few and my time spent optional. I couldn’t believe how long I sat there thinking this is what friendship meant or this is what relationships were supposed to be like. I had to take ownership that a lot of this. I let it happen instead of objecting because I did want to be the combative one.
Instead of calling people out on their bullshit and letting them hang from the gallows, I would always explain it away. “Maybe they have had a bad day?”
It sucks but sometimes you have to own who you are and the mistakes you make. Just like you have to own your personal truths.
I am a bit of a riddle BIG ASS RIDDLE to many people. They don’t know what to make of me. I like all music except death metal and bluegrass. I don’t mind being able to drink a man men under the table. I don’t like the color pink, but I love the singer pink and I think “So What” was my anthem for two yrs after its release.
Again things I know and accept. I am sure there are many more, but you get the point.
Just. Be. You. Own. You. Love. You.