No one likes changes. I am included in that no one. We foolishly squander and plant in our brains that we are never going to change. Never going to age, never going to think differently. It wasn’t until my life actually started to developed that I realized I was completely wrong.
I’ve watched several variations come and go. “Carefree” me. “Serious and studious” me. “Dare to be” me. Finally, after the soul searching and mental angst … I found me.
I found her frozen and standing on the banks of the river peacefully awaiting her release. She had been training. Her heart, her mind, her spirit, her emotions. I saw her, hair flowing, smile bright and ready to take over the world.
It was good to find that person that I had so long to come back to me. I often felt like it would never happen. It could never be. It would just be a memory that would eventually Pop out of my mind and disappear.
But there she was. Now that I am back in the driver seat, it’s time to make some things happen. I have been going over my old notes, wish list, want list and “maybe if I have the time” list. Setting new goals and analyzing my space and time use. I immediately realized things needed to be changed. If I didn’t, I could continue to haphazardly fall all over myself because I was handling too much.
The first thing I needed to do was face change and accept they were happening. This was not easy nor was I brave enough to run toward this with full gusto. I took my time to slowly understand these changes and why they were so important. I took my time because I was trying to understand my own end game and desired outcome. There were times that I often felt like this:
I didn’t want to accept the changes within myself, despite the fact they were for my own good. I just wanted to linger in a limbo of the mind and expect a better outcome. However, I had to push myself forward and stop waiting.
That was the best thing I could have done. It allowed me to grow without fear of persecution and propaganda that comes with making such significant changes.
To be continued